I haven't written anything in so long...
The last time I sat and took the time to blog I was in an immensely different place in my life...but I needed this...scratch that...I NEED this. I need an outlet to get all the thoughts swirling in my brain out into the world. So here it goes...
There have been changes galore, since I last blogged. I've been with my husband for 11 years now (married for 6), we have three beautiful kids, and relocated from Murfreesboro, TN to the Greater Atlanta area in December of 2021. I also found out I have another big sister via 23 & Me (in mid 2020) and she quickly became one of my best friends. We (we as in the WORLD) went through a whole pandemic. Crazyyyyyy...
With every milestone and major life event comes the shift...the transition...the adjustments...the modifications...and evolutions. With every life altering happenstance comes CHANGE and as we get older we hopefully learn how to flow through these seasons vs. struggling against the unstoppable current.
...but sometimes in life we don't flow. Sometimes change grabs us kicking and screaming like a toddler out of Chuck E. Cheese.
One key thing I have learned in this time is change is Essential and in order to reap the benefits of positive change it has to start deep within us. So often we look to the outside world and others to find the quick fix/solution to our problems or to place blame...but you will come up short every time. You can't change people and you most certainly can't change the world. So this is where the mental shift comes...shift your focus to the only thing you have the power to control/fix...YOU.
Here are a couple things I've started changing, transitioning, and adjusting, that have helped me grow as a woman, wife, and mother.
Know your worth & protect your peace
Let's keep it 100 at some point in this life we all settle. Careers and relationships being the main culprit.
We settle into a job that leaves us feeling destitute and is barely paying the bills.
You can't stand your bald headed, micromanaging boss, who takes his frustrations out on his "subordinates" simply because he's flaccid and bitter.
You've had a friendship with someone so long that you can't even remember why you're friends but you constantly feel like nothing more to them than a hi-tech emotional garbage can.
The significant other that you've put 5+ years of your life into alway seems to put your needs and feelings on the back burner.
...and you wake up every day in this perpetual state of unhappiness but it's no big deal because this is how the majority lives.
Um...excuse me...WHO SAID YOU WERE APART OF THE MAJORITY?! Who said you were placed here to simply settle and exist?! It's time to fully comprehend your worth. We were not put on God's here to simply take up space and become a statistic...and if the foundation of change is rooted in elevating oneself, than it is mandatory to know your worth and charge tax!
Knowing your worth looks like:
Understanding your values/limits
Loving, respecting, and uplifting yourself at any height, weight, age, or season of life
Not undercharging for your services/time
Not giving your all to things/people, when the cons outweigh the pros
Engaging in careers, activities, or hobbies that give you a feeling of purpose
This is where protecting your peace begins. When you are fully aware of what you bring to the table as a unique and worthy individual, protecting your peace then comes naturally.
Protecting your peace looks like:
Limiting or ending contact with anything that drains you of positive energy
Removing yourself from relationships, friendships, and spaces where you feel unappreciated
Not allowing people to utilize you as an emotional garbage can
Saying "No" to obligations that consistently make you feel overwhelmed
Ditch the Superiority Complex
Baby, when I say, with this one I HATH STRUGGLED. I was raised by a no non-sense single mother and she instilled so much wisdom and self-love in me that at times it made me look down on others...**clears throat** at times it MAKES me look down on others.
Which, when you really think about it, makes us as people extremely unrelatable. It can be rough though, because let's keep it 100 in here...it can be difficult to not look at the next person's situation and not utter "Baby, I would never!" or "She/He a good one." or "I wish I WOULD...".
This is a safe no judgement zone...so you can admit your petty ways to me.
I encourage it.
One of my closest friends and I were recently discussing this and realized that everyone's decision making stems from the unique experiences they have had. So until you have walked a mile in that person's shoes, you truly have no idea why they do the things they do.
In order to truly grow you have to stop placing yourself above others. You very well may be more mature, well adjusted, fiscally responsible, etc. Hear me when I say this though...That makes you better than NO ONE! So often we allow the notion that we are in some way better than others to hinder us from our own growth. We stay stagnant on our journey because true growth actually looks like:
Understanding
Active listening (and sometimes JUST listening, Ashlee!)
Empathy
Patience
Encouragement
Support for any and every one, no matter where they are on their journey
Honest self-reflection
Not comparing yourself to the next person
Competing with no one but yourself because their is no traffic in your lane
People who desire a peaceful life do not spend their time counting the ways that they are superior to the next person. They desire for everyone within their reach to be their best possible selves. They pour into others, they sew into others, and they don't gate keep!
Bottom line is you do not have to be BETTER than a soul to be your best self. Eliminate the need to place yourself on higher pedestal than others... you will LITERALLY never be running the same race as them, so there's no need to finish first.